Thursday, 27 August 2015

A Special Friend

I have agonised for a while on whether I wanted to write this post, but at the end of the day I do want it to be included in my blogbook when I get it printed..Please be warned this is a sad post.
I have felt like blogging much lately, I don't want to sew, I don't want to socialise, I don't want to do anything.  I know I must and I do try to make it look like I'm ok on the inside - I'm not.   Please don't read any further down, I don't want to depress anyone, I just thought that writing this might be a way of dealing with this sadness I am feeling. 
You see I have been very fortunate in my life to have quite a few friends that I regard in my heart as family and this lovely lady is no exception..
Lynne, Chrissy and myself met when my eldest son started pre-school - oh some 20 years ago, and we have always regarded ourselves as "chosen family" - you know the ones you choose as family,
and sisters is what we have always felt like. 
Chrissy was diagnosed with leukemia  the Christmas before last and has been fighting it none stop since then.  Last month she was informed that she has 9-12months left in this world and to tell you the truth - I am just gutted. 
I know all the reasons why I should be grateful to have had her in my life, and that I get to spend more time with her before the end but I feel just so miserable.  And I am angry, so angry, this person was suppose to stay in my life, she is suppose to see her two kids get married and to hold and meet her grandchildren for the first  time.  She tells me she has accepted it, and I know she is right but that doesn't mean I have to like it. 
I told you not to read this, it really is just for me, something to help me work through it all, a kind of process I am hoping might help.   Venting  with written words instead of holding it in. 
Lynne and I have been helping her - prepare - for afterwards, sorting through her photo's and putting them into albums for her kids, finding new bed linen for the beds for when her family come down from Innisveil for the funeral (this was Chrissy's idea - so typical - trying to look after everyone even when she will be gone)..  
I know I have to pull my act together and I am putting on my brave face even when my heart is breaking.  I am trying to sew but just don't find I have the patience or concentration for it at the moment, I am trying not to cancel on too many social outings and to not climb into bed and stay there for ever and I am hoping that by writing this it will help me - what? - perk up - get over it - find a way to deal with it - I don't know but I know writing has helped me in my younger days so maybe it will help me now.  I love with all my heart that Chrissy is a part of my life. 
Please if you have read down to here - I will be alright - I just needed to get some stuff out of my head - I do not want to make anyone sad.  I promise not to always put up sad posts and I am trying to find some inspiration in the sewing room - I do know that I have heaps of great friends and - no I wont way it - oh ok yes I will - I love you all...
I promise to make my next post uplifting - I will add something funny and something sewn..I will
be pull myself out of this.  
Thanks for listening.
cya
xxx

12 comments:

  1. Oh SAndi my dear friend,it's ok to grieve and let it out,I can feel your pain in your writing,keep writing what you feel ,let it out,punch some pillows,get all that life is unfair out,enjoy your time together that you have left,for she is a special person that has touched your heart and the love and special times will be yours forever !to store in your heart,life can be a bitch sometimes my friend,you are blessed and a better person for knowing your lovely friend Chrissy and you will watch her live on through her children,sending you both big hugs my friend,take care xx

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  2. Sorry to read your sadness. My thoughts are with you all. Take Care.xxxx

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  3. Shez has said it so well. Thinking of you and your friend. Take care.

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  4. I am so sorry Sandi and sometimes just saying or writing whats in your head and heart is a little release for you so you aren't holding it all inside. I am glad you felt you could express them. Thinking of you and your courageous friend Chryssy....big hugs xxx

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  5. Shez did say it well...life can be so tough sometimes...in a way its good that you can help her prepare and she knows that you will all be there for her family afterwards.
    Hang onto the good times - past and still to come.
    Hugs

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  6. Treasure every minute you have together, tell her how much you love her every chance you get. x

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  7. Getting it out of your head does help...it lightens the load...if only by a little...but every little bit helps. My words cannot ease your pain. You are mourning the loss of your friend...And that makes YOU a really GOOD friend...and I'm sure she knows it. Cherish the time you both have left...after all... No one knows how long that is. Hugs to you and your friend...xox

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  8. I'm Sorry you are going through so much Pain.
    Hugs to You xx

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  9. So sorry to hear this Sandi. I'm currently sitting with my dear friend, who is in the last weeks of her life, a victim of brain cancer. I too put on a brave face, blogging like this heart break isn't happening. But it is and I am devastated too. Email me if I can give you any support. Life can be so unfair.

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  10. Hi Sandi, such a tough time and you are being a great friend at this time .... Thinking of you
    Hugz

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  11. ending you hugs Sandi......life sucks sometimes........wished we had more control..........

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